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When I was three, my parents took me and my two older brothers to a photographer's studio for professional colour portraits. [Not a trivial thing in those days: expensive and difficult to arrange.] I remember nothing about the experience, but I remember the photos, because they were displayed in the house for years afterward. My portrait is now in my possession somewhere....
My brothers' pictures are standard sweet smiles. But I am a blond blue-eyed child [I turned brunette around age six], in front of a plain turquoise background, wearing a shirt in the yellow MacLeod tartan, and I am not smiling. I'm not looking at the camera. I'm looking off to the side, my brow is furrowed in anxiety, and my mouth has a soft twist like I'm trying not to cry. To me, it looks so much like I'm afraid that a pack of hyenas might be lurking somewhere behind me, but I am forbidden to turn and check. This was apparently the best they could get out of me. As a portrait of a kid who has already learned not to trust the world, it's impressive.
I mention this because today I happened to catch sight of my reflection and realized I could still see those same eyes.
Over sixty years later, and that little kid who doesn't trust the world is still in there, somewhere....
My brothers' pictures are standard sweet smiles. But I am a blond blue-eyed child [I turned brunette around age six], in front of a plain turquoise background, wearing a shirt in the yellow MacLeod tartan, and I am not smiling. I'm not looking at the camera. I'm looking off to the side, my brow is furrowed in anxiety, and my mouth has a soft twist like I'm trying not to cry. To me, it looks so much like I'm afraid that a pack of hyenas might be lurking somewhere behind me, but I am forbidden to turn and check. This was apparently the best they could get out of me. As a portrait of a kid who has already learned not to trust the world, it's impressive.
I mention this because today I happened to catch sight of my reflection and realized I could still see those same eyes.
Over sixty years later, and that little kid who doesn't trust the world is still in there, somewhere....