2025 was objectively the worst year of my life. The world at large went to hell in a handbasket, in ways I never thought the world was going to do again. My day-to-day health took a pronounced downturn, leading to a major creative lull. And my loved ones faced many new significant hardships. It was like we were all struggling and floundering without letup.

And yet, subjectively I have had many previous years which I spent feeling low and miserable, and that honestly didn't happen this year. Down moments, sure, but overall my mood has been peaceful and even. This year taught me a lot about myself and how to navigate being me. So I guess that's good. 


I sure hope the objective sutff does better in 2026, though, for all our sakes.

“Being a man” is such a B.S. concept — there are as many different definitions of it as there are different people....

And over.


At one point this afternoon, I was completely stymied by traffic and could not drive where I wanted to when I wanted to. At which point I began to loudly and relentlessly F-bomb the other drivers around me [a couple in front of me in particular, who had behaved less than ideally]. After the jam cleared and I was on my way, I continued to curse no one in particular [the cosmos perhaps].

And then, as if I heard a voice in my head, I suddenly thought, I am so sick of being The Guy Who Does That®. At which point I went quiet. And felt a bit teary. And asked myself if I might do better to simply play the hand that traffic deals me [as I must do regardless], without all the agitating histrionics.


We shall see how long this new leaf remains turned over. After all, I've turned that particular one before....

Today I was driving to an appt, and stopped at a light, and watched the cars flying back and forth along the crossroad, and the next one down, and all the cars waiting around me, and lights and signs and wires and windows all over....

And I suddenly thought, This is too much. We weren't made for all this.

For a while there, I was not sleeping well. Not enough, and what I got was very spotty and fragmented. Eventually I realized that fretting about the state of the world was keeping my mind whirring and preventing me from settling down. 

Then I saw a post from someone saying that they were cutting the news out of their life for a while, for the sake of their own peace of mind. The gist of their perspective was that they already knew by now what things were awful, so they could take that as read. They didn't really need this awfulness underlined again every day. Knowing the particular details of how the awfulness had shifted somewhat was no help to them. And these were all things that they couldn't do anything about, so more knowledge was not a guide to more action or more solutions. 

Then someone else said that they had set up filters on their social media, for similar reasons. This is not something I had ever tried myself, but I decided to now. So I did, a few days ago. 

Now, posts will appear on my social media, but instead of content I get a message saying this post contains filtered items. So I know the post is there, and it's up to me to decide if I want to see it or not. So far, I have been declining. 

And I can't help but notice that I am consistently sleeping more soundly since I began to filter out some of the awfulness. 

I understand there are those who will object. Who will tell me I have a duty to know what's going on in the world. As in, knowing everything, every detail. [Most of us who grew up in the days before the 24-hour news cycle realize that you can get by without unceasing news updates.] And there are those who will accuse me of flaunting my privilege, because it must be nice to be able to afford to ignore these things. [I don't deny that my life is privileged and blessed in numerous ways, even if I'm not rich.] 

But the people who were cutting out this influence from their online lives were framing it more in terms of self-care. Protecting their health which was suffering because of this psychic onslaught. And that's how I'm choosing to frame this for myself: self-care. Like, I don't accept that I am flaunting my privilege by eating regularly, simply because there are other people who don't. [I do count my blessings, though.] If I have the capability to nurture myself [as opposed to wallow in decadent luxury] then I will do so, as much as I am aware and able. 

Maybe that's just me.

blackcurrant jam


I have some with my toast basically every day and never tire of it. I have to get it at the import shop cuz no one makes it domestically, but it's worth it! A little taste of the UK to brighten my day....

sitting here, and suddenly remembering: when I was in university, those elder students I looked up to — the ones I sought for advice and guidance and wisdom — were all under twenty-five