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musings over tea and candlelight
Jan. 10th, 2026 07:45 pmI think the craziest thing about living in this current culture full of crazy things, is how quickly things seem to stop mattering.
musings over tea and candlelight
Dec. 31st, 2025 07:06 pm2025 was objectively the worst year of my life. The world at large went to hell in a handbasket, in ways I never thought the world was going to do again. My day-to-day health took a pronounced downturn, leading to a major creative lull. And my loved ones faced many new significant hardships. It was like we were all struggling and floundering without letup.
And yet, subjectively I have had many previous years which I spent feeling low and miserable, and that honestly didn't happen this year. Down moments, sure, but overall my mood has been peaceful and even. This year taught me a lot about myself and how to navigate being me. So I guess that's good.
I sure hope the objective sutff does better in 2026, though, for all our sakes.
And yet, subjectively I have had many previous years which I spent feeling low and miserable, and that honestly didn't happen this year. Down moments, sure, but overall my mood has been peaceful and even. This year taught me a lot about myself and how to navigate being me. So I guess that's good.
I sure hope the objective sutff does better in 2026, though, for all our sakes.
something I am grateful for today
Nov. 22nd, 2025 08:12 pm I can see Christmas lights just by looking out my front door and across the street.
curmudgeonly grumble
Nov. 17th, 2025 08:08 pm“Being a man” is such a B.S. concept — there are as many different definitions of it as there are different people....
And over.
At one point this afternoon, I was completely stymied by traffic and could not drive where I wanted to when I wanted to. At which point I began to loudly and relentlessly F-bomb the other drivers around me [a couple in front of me in particular, who had behaved less than ideally]. After the jam cleared and I was on my way, I continued to curse no one in particular [the cosmos perhaps].
And then, as if I heard a voice in my head, I suddenly thought, I am so sick of being The Guy Who Does That®. At which point I went quiet. And felt a bit teary. And asked myself if I might do better to simply play the hand that traffic deals me [as I must do regardless], without all the agitating histrionics.
We shall see how long this new leaf remains turned over. After all, I've turned that particular one before....
At one point this afternoon, I was completely stymied by traffic and could not drive where I wanted to when I wanted to. At which point I began to loudly and relentlessly F-bomb the other drivers around me [a couple in front of me in particular, who had behaved less than ideally]. After the jam cleared and I was on my way, I continued to curse no one in particular [the cosmos perhaps].
And then, as if I heard a voice in my head, I suddenly thought, I am so sick of being The Guy Who Does That®. At which point I went quiet. And felt a bit teary. And asked myself if I might do better to simply play the hand that traffic deals me [as I must do regardless], without all the agitating histrionics.
We shall see how long this new leaf remains turned over. After all, I've turned that particular one before....
The other day we went to visit Ma [my mother-in-law] at her long-term care placement, as we've done semi-weekly for like half a year now. During that time, I've come to recognize and be more familiar with some of the other residents.
One in particular is a woman who might well be about our age or maybe not much more. Wheelchair-bound [like almost all the residents in Ma's section], white-haired, tall, very thin, with an elegant patrician face, the sort of bone structure that preserves your beauty for life. Most likely she was movie-star lovely in her youth. The thing I notice about this woman is that she always looks sad. Almost half the times I've seen her, she's been crying about no-idea-what. Sometimes she will let out an angry outburst of "Get out!" directed to the empty hallway in front of her... but except for those times, she is non-verbal. [Again, like almost all the residents in Ma's section.] When she's not crying or yelling, she sits quiet, gazing above everyone else's heads, looking utterly forlorn.
I remember a time that I couldn't help thinking that this must be a helluva way to live.
Last time we visited, a man about our age showed up. I don't recall seeing him before, but the staff greeted him by name, so he must be a regular. [TBH I've never noticed many regular visitors in that section besides ourselves — maybe we visit at unusual times.] He had a generous colourful bouquet with him, and brought it to the aforementioned lady, announcing that today was their fiftieth anniversary.
And that woman lit up. She wasn't able to speak to her husband but she kept her eyes locked on him and her smile never dimmed. She took the flowers from him, posed for him to take a picture, then a nurse took a picture of them together, and the whole time she looked rapturously happy.
I'd been thinking that she lived a joyless life, but here a moment of deep joy came to her, and she recognized it and revelled in it. And I found it so intensely moving to see her, that my eyes got wet and I had to take care not to let people see. We took Ma off somewhere else then, but that meeting of that couple wouldn't let go of me. I've been thinking about it ever since [my impetus to write about it, obviously].
I keep thinking that her life does have its own moments of Goodness, and those are probably what she lives for. And, in that respect, she's perhaps no different from any of the rest of us.
One in particular is a woman who might well be about our age or maybe not much more. Wheelchair-bound [like almost all the residents in Ma's section], white-haired, tall, very thin, with an elegant patrician face, the sort of bone structure that preserves your beauty for life. Most likely she was movie-star lovely in her youth. The thing I notice about this woman is that she always looks sad. Almost half the times I've seen her, she's been crying about no-idea-what. Sometimes she will let out an angry outburst of "Get out!" directed to the empty hallway in front of her... but except for those times, she is non-verbal. [Again, like almost all the residents in Ma's section.] When she's not crying or yelling, she sits quiet, gazing above everyone else's heads, looking utterly forlorn.
I remember a time that I couldn't help thinking that this must be a helluva way to live.
Last time we visited, a man about our age showed up. I don't recall seeing him before, but the staff greeted him by name, so he must be a regular. [TBH I've never noticed many regular visitors in that section besides ourselves — maybe we visit at unusual times.] He had a generous colourful bouquet with him, and brought it to the aforementioned lady, announcing that today was their fiftieth anniversary.
And that woman lit up. She wasn't able to speak to her husband but she kept her eyes locked on him and her smile never dimmed. She took the flowers from him, posed for him to take a picture, then a nurse took a picture of them together, and the whole time she looked rapturously happy.
I'd been thinking that she lived a joyless life, but here a moment of deep joy came to her, and she recognized it and revelled in it. And I found it so intensely moving to see her, that my eyes got wet and I had to take care not to let people see. We took Ma off somewhere else then, but that meeting of that couple wouldn't let go of me. I've been thinking about it ever since [my impetus to write about it, obviously].
I keep thinking that her life does have its own moments of Goodness, and those are probably what she lives for. And, in that respect, she's perhaps no different from any of the rest of us.
grumblings
Sep. 2nd, 2025 10:52 amToday I was driving to an appt, and stopped at a light, and watched the cars flying back and forth along the crossroad, and the next one down, and all the cars waiting around me, and lights and signs and wires and windows all over....
And I suddenly thought, This is too much. We weren't made for all this.
And I suddenly thought, This is too much. We weren't made for all this.
old man yells at cloud
Aug. 20th, 2025 04:34 pmEvery so often I will see a post on social media that basically proclaims the splendour of My Generation and Our Youthful Way of Life, how basically we lived better than These Kids Today, with the implication that we are Better.
And, generally, I don't give these posts a Like.
I mean, indisputably our youth was different than the world and culture of the upcoming generation, but I don't think that means it was better. There were many dark corners and closet skeletons in the past which these posts seem to gloss over and handwave away.
And I most definitely don't believe that my generation is better than the one that's coming up. If nothing else, it seems to me that My Generation represents the majority of people who are currently supporting fascism in the US, while today's youth are the ones speaking out against it. So yeah, being raised on dangerous playground equipment or whatever they talk about is no guarantee of the moral high ground.
Maybe it helps to remember that no generation is a monolith...
sociopolitical musings
May. 21st, 2025 11:52 amI've found myself thinking about this, off and on, over the past year or so, and today my shower thoughts put it to me this way:
The political divide of our current culture can be boiled down to two opposing beliefs:
To no one's surprise, I lean toward 1. Setting aside the fact that I find 2. morally repugnant, here's why I also find it untenable:
No one gets by on their own. No newborn human can survive without outside intervention.
To which I expect some Two-Believers to say Well Yes Of Course But®. It can be argued that there are other creatures that need to be nurtured at first, but once they are able to leave the nest, then they get by on their own. Only natural.
But humans are social creatures, which by their very nature continue to function within their society for their entire lives. And the fact that human society is so exceedingly complex compared to other creatures, seems to suggest that humans the most inherently and deeply social of all creatures on earth. We aren't really built to leave the nest. So, to argue that at some point in our lives, we are suddenly able to function completely independently... well, that strikes me as not just completely arbitrary, but also naive.
[At which point we could go on to argue about what kinds of social help, and how much, are Right® and which are Wrong®.... which is also arbitrary. And hair-splitty.]
The political divide of our current culture can be boiled down to two opposing beliefs:
- If people need help to get by, then they ought to get that help.
- If people can't get by on their own, then they don't deserve to get by, and they should fail [and possibly die].
To no one's surprise, I lean toward 1. Setting aside the fact that I find 2. morally repugnant, here's why I also find it untenable:
No one gets by on their own. No newborn human can survive without outside intervention.
To which I expect some Two-Believers to say Well Yes Of Course But®. It can be argued that there are other creatures that need to be nurtured at first, but once they are able to leave the nest, then they get by on their own. Only natural.
But humans are social creatures, which by their very nature continue to function within their society for their entire lives. And the fact that human society is so exceedingly complex compared to other creatures, seems to suggest that humans the most inherently and deeply social of all creatures on earth. We aren't really built to leave the nest. So, to argue that at some point in our lives, we are suddenly able to function completely independently... well, that strikes me as not just completely arbitrary, but also naive.
[At which point we could go on to argue about what kinds of social help, and how much, are Right® and which are Wrong®.... which is also arbitrary. And hair-splitty.]
A few times now I've mentioned the graphic novel I'm working on this past year or so. [And, if it gets out of hand, it may get too long for me to get it done while I'm still here.] Anyhoo:
Today I got thinking, "Am I being ridiculous to work on something like this when the world seems to be falling apart around me? I mean, for the first time in my life, I am looking at the very real chance that my country may disappear and be swallowed up by a neighbour... causing untold stress and disruption and chaos. And then, being able to draw a comic will become the last thing on my agenda. Society may disintegrate beneath my feet, and I'm still just plugging away at my comic book like all is well??"
I've thought that a few times lately, but when it happened today, I thought something else: "Yes, there is a chance this could happen. But, if I'm being brutally honest with myself, there's a far better chance that I could have a heart attack or stroke at any moment, and I won't be able to finish my novel then, either. But this has always been true, and I didn't let it stop me from trying. So maybe I similarly shouldn't let the state of the world stop me."
Today I feel like I understand a bit better what the Beats meant in the Fifties when they said, "When The Bomb drops, it will find us painting and writing poems."
my musical discovery of the year
Dec. 31st, 2024 05:41 pmIt seems that, every year, of all the music I discover, there is one particular standout artist for me who turns me into a major fan. Most often, it is someone new [to me]... but not always. For example, last year my musical discovery was Richie Kamuca — I was listening to records forty years ago that Kamuca played on, but at that time I wasn't focusing particular attention on his specific contributions to those records. Last year, I was given the chance to listen to him more closely and more widely, and finally became smitten.
But my discovery for 2024 is someone I had never heard until a couple months ago: Cory Weeds. He's an exciting find for me — not only for his own playing, but also for the record label he runs which issues work by many other wonderful artists, lots of whom are also new-to-me. There is such a wealth of good music to be discovered here! You can bet that Cory and other Cellar Music artists will occupy my ears frequently in 2025.
But my discovery for 2024 is someone I had never heard until a couple months ago: Cory Weeds. He's an exciting find for me — not only for his own playing, but also for the record label he runs which issues work by many other wonderful artists, lots of whom are also new-to-me. There is such a wealth of good music to be discovered here! You can bet that Cory and other Cellar Music artists will occupy my ears frequently in 2025.
engaging with the world
Dec. 22nd, 2024 10:19 amFor a while there, I was not sleeping well. Not enough, and what I got was very spotty and fragmented. Eventually I realized that fretting about the state of the world was keeping my mind whirring and preventing me from settling down.
Then I saw a post from someone saying that they were cutting the news out of their life for a while, for the sake of their own peace of mind. The gist of their perspective was that they already knew by now what things were awful, so they could take that as read. They didn't really need this awfulness underlined again every day. Knowing the particular details of how the awfulness had shifted somewhat was no help to them. And these were all things that they couldn't do anything about, so more knowledge was not a guide to more action or more solutions.
Then someone else said that they had set up filters on their social media, for similar reasons. This is not something I had ever tried myself, but I decided to now. So I did, a few days ago.
Now, posts will appear on my social media, but instead of content I get a message saying this post contains filtered items. So I know the post is there, and it's up to me to decide if I want to see it or not. So far, I have been declining.
And I can't help but notice that I am consistently sleeping more soundly since I began to filter out some of the awfulness.
I understand there are those who will object. Who will tell me I have a duty to know what's going on in the world. As in, knowing everything, every detail. [Most of us who grew up in the days before the 24-hour news cycle realize that you can get by without unceasing news updates.] And there are those who will accuse me of flaunting my privilege, because it must be nice to be able to afford to ignore these things. [I don't deny that my life is privileged and blessed in numerous ways, even if I'm not rich.]
But the people who were cutting out this influence from their online lives were framing it more in terms of self-care. Protecting their health which was suffering because of this psychic onslaught. And that's how I'm choosing to frame this for myself: self-care. Like, I don't accept that I am flaunting my privilege by eating regularly, simply because there are other people who don't. [I do count my blessings, though.] If I have the capability to nurture myself [as opposed to wallow in decadent luxury] then I will do so, as much as I am aware and able.
Maybe that's just me.
Then I saw a post from someone saying that they were cutting the news out of their life for a while, for the sake of their own peace of mind. The gist of their perspective was that they already knew by now what things were awful, so they could take that as read. They didn't really need this awfulness underlined again every day. Knowing the particular details of how the awfulness had shifted somewhat was no help to them. And these were all things that they couldn't do anything about, so more knowledge was not a guide to more action or more solutions.
Then someone else said that they had set up filters on their social media, for similar reasons. This is not something I had ever tried myself, but I decided to now. So I did, a few days ago.
Now, posts will appear on my social media, but instead of content I get a message saying this post contains filtered items. So I know the post is there, and it's up to me to decide if I want to see it or not. So far, I have been declining.
And I can't help but notice that I am consistently sleeping more soundly since I began to filter out some of the awfulness.
I understand there are those who will object. Who will tell me I have a duty to know what's going on in the world. As in, knowing everything, every detail. [Most of us who grew up in the days before the 24-hour news cycle realize that you can get by without unceasing news updates.] And there are those who will accuse me of flaunting my privilege, because it must be nice to be able to afford to ignore these things. [I don't deny that my life is privileged and blessed in numerous ways, even if I'm not rich.]
But the people who were cutting out this influence from their online lives were framing it more in terms of self-care. Protecting their health which was suffering because of this psychic onslaught. And that's how I'm choosing to frame this for myself: self-care. Like, I don't accept that I am flaunting my privilege by eating regularly, simply because there are other people who don't. [I do count my blessings, though.] If I have the capability to nurture myself [as opposed to wallow in decadent luxury] then I will do so, as much as I am aware and able.
Maybe that's just me.
something I am grateful for today
Dec. 17th, 2024 09:22 amBeing stocked up on [most of the] stock-uppable things.
Knowing that, when I'm getting near the end of a container or package of something, there's another full one waiting somewhere. Not needing to worry that I might Run Out® — it's a gentle form of security, but a precious one.
Knowing that, when I'm getting near the end of a container or package of something, there's another full one waiting somewhere. Not needing to worry that I might Run Out® — it's a gentle form of security, but a precious one.
something I am grateful for today
Nov. 29th, 2024 12:57 pmblackcurrant jam
I have some with my toast basically every day and never tire of it. I have to get it at the import shop cuz no one makes it domestically, but it's worth it! A little taste of the UK to brighten my day....
I have some with my toast basically every day and never tire of it. I have to get it at the import shop cuz no one makes it domestically, but it's worth it! A little taste of the UK to brighten my day....
something I am grateful for today
Nov. 25th, 2024 07:54 pm People who put their Christmas lights on early in the season — they make the drive home after sundown so much lovelier, and I never get tired of them.
enough to give one pause
Sep. 10th, 2024 08:09 pmsitting here, and suddenly remembering: when I was in university, those elder students I looked up to — the ones I sought for advice and guidance and wisdom — were all under twenty-five
random thought
Aug. 23rd, 2024 11:47 amBeing called “weird” feels threatening to people who believe that “normal” has some sort of moral weight. But “normal” is really only talking about statistics — just because most people do a particular thing doesn’t make that thing good.
The Seven Tenets
Jul. 24th, 2024 03:04 pm- One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
- The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
- One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.
- The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To wilfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
- Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
- People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
- Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
