all you need is hate
Apr. 3rd, 2022 08:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
johncomicA while back, I posted about how I had stopped enjoying doing the dishes. Since that post, things got worse for a while — I would sometimes blow them off completely and let them pile before I could make myself do them.
Recently, though, I have done a mysterious about-face. I am now doing them several times a day. Not only that, but I don't even leave them in the drying rack like I always used to — now I hand-dry them and put them away immediately.
The weird part is realizing why I am doing this.
Previously, I had simply got to the point where I hated doing the dishes. But now, a mysterious change of heart has me hating to see the dishes laying around. I'd rather get 'em done and out of my sight.
There's more:
After Christmas, I went through a stretch when I wasn't doing any art. Because I resented feeling obligated to do it. I was always reading about how you should paint every day or draw every day or write every day. If you're Serious about it. And I was like, “Well, maybe I'm not!” I just hated having it feel like a duty or a chore.
But recently I have started painting and drawing pretty much every day. Because I suddenly began hating how it feels like I have wasted a day by not creating anything.
My point — the weirdness of it all — is realizing to what extent my choices and decisions and actions are being guided by hate. I dunno where this is coming from.
Recently, though, I have done a mysterious about-face. I am now doing them several times a day. Not only that, but I don't even leave them in the drying rack like I always used to — now I hand-dry them and put them away immediately.
The weird part is realizing why I am doing this.
Previously, I had simply got to the point where I hated doing the dishes. But now, a mysterious change of heart has me hating to see the dishes laying around. I'd rather get 'em done and out of my sight.
There's more:
After Christmas, I went through a stretch when I wasn't doing any art. Because I resented feeling obligated to do it. I was always reading about how you should paint every day or draw every day or write every day. If you're Serious about it. And I was like, “Well, maybe I'm not!” I just hated having it feel like a duty or a chore.
But recently I have started painting and drawing pretty much every day. Because I suddenly began hating how it feels like I have wasted a day by not creating anything.
My point — the weirdness of it all — is realizing to what extent my choices and decisions and actions are being guided by hate. I dunno where this is coming from.
