the gift of love

[johncomic]

i dunno why i'm thinking about this now, but i am....

this is like forty years ago, i was barely in school, and for years had been watching this lunch-hour cartoon show broadcast from the nearest tv station [a town about 25 miles away]. it was a low-budget rinky-dink thing, hosted by the station weatherman and a couple of handpuppets -- in pre-muppet days, that meant like a head with the neck disappearing behind the edge of a prop. the puppets were "albert j. steed" [a horse of course of course] and "sebastian", a floppy-eared dog. i insisted on spelling it "sabastian" cuz that was a better spelling and i was sure mine was correct... [???].... anyhoo:

albert and sabastian would yak with "uncle bill" between cartoons about everything and nothing. albert was slow in every way; sabastian was always in overdrive, babbling like a munchkin, high on sugar probably ;) ... looking back, i can see it as the kind of show that would drive parents nuts [flashback to me and a very young Paisley watching "barney"]... but god i loved albert and sabastian! especially sabastian, cuz being so quick made him seem smart, and i "always like the smart one" (my fave chipmunk was simon, not alvin)... but i wanted albert there too, it wouldn't be the same without him and i loved how they were best buddies

kids would send albert and sabastian letters and drawings which uncle bill would read and show... they'd also send gifts, usually little toys that a&s would tuck back into their little home... and while i had written them once or twice, this one time i got the urge to send them some toys. i couldn't afford to go buy new ones so i dug up some of my own to send away

i had this nifty thin-metal box that i think was originally part of a camera body, and i carefully went through all my sutff looking for things to give to these puppets... the one i remember even now was this cast-metal and painted figure of a native american [but back then he was an indian ;)]... about 3 inches high, heavy, standing on a flat square base with one corner bent up in a curl... i'd had "My Indian" as long as i could remember and i loved it... and it was one of the jumble of "treasures" that i packed away and insisted that my mom mail off for me

and then weeks later i saw uncle bill unwrap a parcel i recognized, and there was "My Good Box" with him pulling out all the sutff and showing them to a&s... who took them in their mouths and "tucked them away"... My Indian was probably just one thing out of a bunch to them, but back then i was sure they could feel the special vibes coming from it, those puppets knew that this was the best thing they ever got... after all my toys got unpacked and my letter got read, albert said thank you, and sabastian being so much faster thanked me more: "thank you john thankyou thankyou!!" and man i loved him more than ever from then on

the thing is, not many years after, when the show was inevitably cancelled, and i looked back and realized that it wasn't particularly funny or particularly clever as shows go... when i realized that all that sutff i sent was probably trashed as soon as the red light went out on the camera... i never once regretted giving away one of my Best Things... cuz i remembered how i felt when i offered them something that showed how much they meant to me, and they accepted it and acknowledged it

that was all i wanted.

they didn't have to say how much they loved my gift, or me... just that they thanked me for wanting to give them something and then actually doing it, basically... i felt validated, like i was real and i mattered

even today i'm still glad i did it and think it was the right thing to do.

and even today, i will sometimes give things to people who are special to me, in one way or another... and sometimes i feel like they back away, like if i show them i love them, then that "obligates" them to "love me back"... and i don't expect that... all i really want is for them to say "thank you", appreciate/understand the feeling behind the gift, and if they want to throw it away then at least wait until i can't see

when my kids were small, they would sometimes give me one of their prize possessions... and i always made a point of keeping it and thanking them. [later on, if they "needed it back", no problem ;) ...] many parents (including mine) would try to be "noble" and make the child take it back ["oh no, i couldn't..."] , thinking that by allowing your child to keep their "treasure" that you are showing equal love back.

nuh-uh. they give it cuz they want you to take it. [not necessarily keep it, but take it...] accepting something close to their heart is accepting them. refusing it is turning them away, it's failing to see the worth of them and their love... it hurts

and right now it strikes me funny how little some things can change over the course of several decades... is a part of our heart a child forever? or does that only go for us cases of arrested development? i'm not sure...

Public Service Announcement

hey, if any of you drink a lot of soft drinks/soda/pop/coke/whatever they call it where you live:
a reminder that a straw is your mouth's best friend. (.... okay, one of them...) cuz the straw lets it bypass your teeth, therefore you're not constantly bathing your tooth enamel in acid every day... it may take years, decades, but eventually your teeth will weaken under such repeated abuse... why do that if you don't need to? so always remember to grab a straw
(besides, there's all the fun you can have with making bubble-noise, spitballs, etc etc etc. The Straw: it's a Good Thing™!)

Comments

[angelamermaid.livejournal.com]

Okay, have you been talking to my dentist? Coke through a straw isn't as good. But I do rinse my mouth out afterwards now. :-)

Your story about a&s is wonderful. For the story itself, of sending a treasure and having it acknowledged, and for the way you tell it.

[jsmitty-o.livejournal.com]

Please pardon the late response. I've missed some important posts and am now just going back and catching up.

accepting something close to their heart is accepting them. refusing it is turning them away, it's failing to see the worth of them and their love... it hurts

This reminds me of something that happened to me as a kid. My grandparents lived about 25 minutes away, so we would visit them a lot. On one visit, we went to somebody else's house that lived near my grandparents. I forget how they knew my grandparents. But they were about my grandparents' age (oldish for grandparents of a 10 year old... about late 70s or so).

Anyway, so we're at this lady's house and she is very nice. I don't remember too many details, but at one point, my Grandma tells me about the stuffed animals that this lady makes. So, the lady shows me all the stuffed animals she has in the house already. They were cute. I really liked them. And then she told me I could pick one to take for keeps. I was flabbergasted! And I felt extremely guilty at the thought of taking one. I kept on saying no, I couldn't, you really should save these for other kids who really deserve them. Why did I feel like if I took one I would be preventing some other kid from having them?? I mean, *I* was probably one of the random kids she would like to have one of these stuffed animals. But for some reason, I couldn't see that. I just felt guilty.

It wasn't until later that I realized that I might have hurt her feelings, like I didn't like the stuffed animals! But I did! I thought they were very cute! Even now as I write this, I'm feeling awful. I want to lookup to the sky and somehow tell the soul of this woman (I'm assuming she passed away already) that I really liked her stuffed animals and that I really wanted to take one, but I didn't because I felt guilty, not because I thought they were bad. siiiigh. I'm hoping that if she is up in heaven, that she knows this already. =}

Now, this is where my memory gets fuzzy. I know that later on as a kid, I had a stuffed animal duck and a baby-sized stuffed animals duck that looked like homemade type stuffed animals. Were these ducks some of the animals this lady made?? I *think* so. Perhaps my Grandma got these from her to give to me and my brother. I liked the duckies, they were cute. Now, I just wish I knew where all my stuffed animals are...