who am I?

[johncomic]

When I was a little kid in low school in the 60s, my nickname was “Computer Kid” because I was the smartest kid in our class. I had a great memory and my IQ was professionally tested to be at genius level.

When I was in university, my nickname was “John Comic”, originally just to differentiate me from another John in the dorm. Many of my friends from back then still call me that, some of them even thought at first when they met me that it was my real name. Back then I was a comic-creating fiend.

Back in the 90s, I acquired the nickname “Curmudge” because I was perceived as [and presented myself as] cynical and curmudgeonly and kinda pessimistic. Which actually describes me thru most of my life, when I think about it....

Today:

I am no longer a genius -- I believe in large part on account of the brain-scrambling that some fibromyalgia folx report. My memory is spotty at best. My IQ was professionally tested ten years ago and it had dropped thirty points from when I was a kid.

I am no longer a comic-creating fiend -- if you frequent these pages of mine you've heard me go on about that enough that I don't need to repeat it here.

And (I feel) I am no longer so cynical and pessimistic as all that. Again, I've gone on about that here a lot lately as well. I'm still pretty cynical about some particular things [e.g., politics] but not really about life in general.

It's like recent years have stripped all my old identities from me... and yet today I feel like I still have a clear sense of who I am. I may be a new me in some ways, but I am still me. Not sure I can explain who exactly that is, though. I feel like I no longer fit into any handy labels.

Most likely I never actually did, but maybe in my own mind I reduced myself to a simple label or two, and am only now learning not to do so. Maybe?