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Jan. 17th, 2012
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abstract blather
Jan. 17th, 2012 04:41 pmHad an interesting thought recently:
I did something -- don't even remember what, some minor goof-up -- and I was about to say something to myself along the lines of I am such a jerk or that probably made me look like a doof... but then suddenly said to myself I don't have to have an opinion on how my actions reflect on me.
I wasn't even sure where it came from, but I sat with it for a while. If I make a mistake, I don't have to decide that it makes me look bad. I don't have to make any sort of value judgment on myself. In fact, I might not even have to make a value judgment on what I did. I did something, there it is. And here I am.
I mean, I see other people make mistakes and I don't think Huh! You are a moron! or whatever. So why should I do it to myself? And I don't even need to worry if other people are thinking that I now look like a goof. If they're gonna think that, they will do so with or without my help. And most of the time, they won't bother thinking it anyway. And how much do I care about those who do think it?
I realized that judging myself [usually harshly] is a reflex that I have always done without thinking about it at all. But all of a sudden I saw that I can choose not to do it. I mean, if I insist on judging myself I still can. But I am gonna try giving it a miss for a while and see what happens.
I did something -- don't even remember what, some minor goof-up -- and I was about to say something to myself along the lines of I am such a jerk or that probably made me look like a doof... but then suddenly said to myself I don't have to have an opinion on how my actions reflect on me.
I wasn't even sure where it came from, but I sat with it for a while. If I make a mistake, I don't have to decide that it makes me look bad. I don't have to make any sort of value judgment on myself. In fact, I might not even have to make a value judgment on what I did. I did something, there it is. And here I am.
I mean, I see other people make mistakes and I don't think Huh! You are a moron! or whatever. So why should I do it to myself? And I don't even need to worry if other people are thinking that I now look like a goof. If they're gonna think that, they will do so with or without my help. And most of the time, they won't bother thinking it anyway. And how much do I care about those who do think it?
I realized that judging myself [usually harshly] is a reflex that I have always done without thinking about it at all. But all of a sudden I saw that I can choose not to do it. I mean, if I insist on judging myself I still can. But I am gonna try giving it a miss for a while and see what happens.