philosophical wax #2

[johncomic]

Feminism and I came of age around the same time [late 60s thru early 70s]. I even remember that it was more often referred to as "Women's Lib[eration]" back then. So it's relatively safe to say that I was a member of the first generation of Enlightened Men, and this has had a huge effect on my world view over the decades.

It didn't take a lot of convincing for me to agree with feminism because so much of it in the early days was logical [e.g., a woman doing the same job as a man should earn the same wages... a woman capable of doing a job should be allowed to do it... a woman whose grades are good enough to get into Harvard should be allowed to get into Harvard... that kinda thing]. I was a young teen: the perfect age for the argument "we've never done things that way" to be seen as weak and irrelevant. So I bought into feminism with no qualms.

My problem, I guess, is that I never noticed how some of my attitudes were coloured by the encroachment of radical feminism later in the 70s, when the idea became not so much "women are equal to men" as "women are better than men". Somewhere along the line, I began to feel, deep down, without thinking about it much... that women were kinder, wiser, more loving, and generally "more good" than me.

I began to prefer their company to the company of men. I definitely felt more comfortable with them. Back in those days, it was still very much a given that guys, when they got together, talked about Guy Things®: sports, cars and [maybe] politics. I knew nothing about any of that sutff, so I could never hold up my end, and consequently was made to feel like a freak. Women seemed more willing to talk with me, they had fewer expectations re what were "acceptable" topics of conversation. Women, it seemed, would talk about anything, and I thought that was cool. So it was around this time that I was declared an Honorary Girl -- a badge I wore proudly throughout my university years.

Even so, there were times when the ladies generally assumed that I was pretty clueless or didn't really understand certain things, because after all I was a Guy. And I bowed to their superior female wisdom.

There were times when I wondered if maybe it'd be better if I were a woman.

Although I was pretty sure that, if that ever happened, I'd have to be a lesbian, because women turn me on and men don't, simple as that.

I've only ever had three Serious Long-Term Relationships [longer than six months]... and in every one of them, my lady partner was quite happy to have me believe that I was inferior to her. That she was smarter than me "about life", that she was wiser, kinder, more loving and more good. If questioned directly about that, they'd all say they were "kidding"... but after a while you know when someone is really truly kidding or not. They wanted me to not believe in myself... because I would then defer to them at all times and in all things.

On those oh-so-rare occasions when I stuck to my guns about something... my God the shock and indignation I'd get. And opposition, of course... I mean, how could I disagree with A Woman?!

This has persisted for, as I said, decades, in various guises. I still have more women friends than men friends. I still prefer working with [and working for] women -- in my current job I'm the only man in the office, and this has been the case in quite a few earlier jobs as well. My doctor is a woman. When I've been in therapy and offered a choice, I ask for a woman therapist. I'm still more comfortable with women.

But very recently, maybe within the last year or so... things have happened, and I've been thinking new thoughts... and I'm coming to realize that this pedestal I've built for the opposite sex is not such a good idea. Quite apart from such generalized social bugaboos as the continuing acceptability of man-bashing: I've seen that women can be selfish, self-serving, myopic, cold, cruel, unwise, fixated, thoughtless, insular... they can have their own unspoken agendas and axes to grind.

Simply, they are just as bad as I am.

Or, I am just as good as they are.

I'm thinking the pedestal should be chucked away. Real feminism was never about pedestals anyway. [But I'll also bet you five bux that more than one woman will be less than happy to find herself no longer on top of that pedestal. It may be interesting to see if/how they try to justify being left up there...]

Comments

[johncomic.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I do.


And don't call me "Surely".

Pedestals

[bevantor.livejournal.com]

From a woman's point of view, me being a woman and all, I think the mystique of women's superiority is mostly a male invention. It's an invention used, historically, to keep women in their place. The pedestal is a gilded cage.

From a survival point of view, women are precious because so many more women are needed than men for the species to survive. "Women and children first," right? Except that men have been abusing women and children throughout history to the present.

It has been less than a hundred years since women got the vote in Canada. It has been little more than a hundred years since women were allowed to own their own businesses, or even hold their own property after marriage. In war time, we have shown that we can do the same jobs men do, albeit not always in the same way men do them, and once the job is done ... I could go on and on, but you know the history. Women have been suppressed in our society for centuries -- suppressed and endangered. We have learned to use the weapons at hand, words mostly, and we have learned to be deadly with them. Since we are all only human, we don't always fight fair, any more than men do.

As for being superior... Women have been told for centuries that their place is in the home. To this day, women are expected to be the homemakers. Men may share the work, but more often than not, they view this as helping out, not doing the job because it's their job to do. I'm not saying all men are like that, but given the history, is it surprising that women try to rule the roost?

As for intellectual superiority or moral superiority, I think that myth started with the World Wars. Women had served before, but never in such numbers and in such a variety of jobs. In this I include the women who did "men's" work at home as well as the nurses, clerks and drivers that served in the military. When the war ended, they were expected to go back to their homes, but people knew. WE knew we could do it.

That's just equality, however. I'm running out of steam so I'll just drop a couple of names ... Wonder Woman, created by a man. Almost anything by Robert Heinlein. The popular concept of the Super Woman is a male invention, not a female one.

Re: Pedestals

[johncomic.livejournal.com]

Even so, the moral superiority of women was very explicitly claimed by 70s radical feminists -- it's not a position that was foisted on them unwillingly by men. And that was what I contended with back in the day, is what I'm sayin'...

Re: Pedestals

[bevantor.livejournal.com]

I was there (in the 70's that is) and that is long after the female superiority myth was invented. True, it was perpetuated by Feminists, but not invented by them. Also, note I use the capital "F" Feminist. By this I mean the political (and often but not always radical) feminists. During the seventies I was adamant in describing my self as a "small f" feminist - I believed in fundamental principles of equality and partnership, and did not claim for myself, or womanhood in general, any moral superiority. (At least no moral superiority that was inherant in being a woman. I was neither so modest or naive to not believe that I was morally superior to many men and women - and possibly morally inferior to many too.)

Anyway, the thing about being a Feminist in the 70's, and claiming female superiority, you didn't have to be a woman. Men like Adlai Stevenson and Alan Alda took up the torch of those like Robert Heinlein, both helping the cause of equal rights and also setting women up on that damned pedestal.

In part, I think the moral superiority claim grew out of the alliance between Feminism and the anti-war movement. Mothers do not send their sons to war. (A gross historical inaccuracy.)

I suspect I'm starting to babble now, so I shall depart.

Re: Pedestals - PS

[bevantor.livejournal.com]

Nevertheless, I do realize that there are women who buy into and try to sell the myth of female superiority. (It's like Amway or any other pyramid scheme. Once you bought in, you've got to sell it or you don't get the benefit.)

Frankly, if I am going to claim moral - or any other superiority - it won't be based on gender, race, religion or social standing. If it ever comes up, I'll stake my claim on my own individual merits. Anything else seems like a cheap trick.

[minabuyu.livejournal.com]

My boobs are equal to your boobs.

[johncomic.livejournal.com]

To which I can only reply by quoting Bernie Kropp, the schoolteacher in The Incredibles:

"I think not!!"